How do bartenders do it?
Spend a few hours in a bar watching a great bartender and you will see them multi-task, problem-solve, validate without patronizing, and make everyone - Republican, Democrat, rich, poor, black, white, any gender, beyond gender - feel like they belong. If you pay careful attention, you'll see that a good bartender looks like they're having the most fun in the room and they are happy to include anyone who wants to join the party.
You'll also hear people say ridiculous, terrible, outrageous things to bartenders, and see that they keep their sense of humor. They also don't get walked on. A great bartender knows when to get involved, when to get help, and how to firmly get their point across, with a smile, so the situation doesn't escalate and they still get a great tip.
I spent ten thousand hours bartending. From the quirky dive bar on NYC’s Upper East Side (way up, beyond the Nanny Diaries…this was where the doormen went to drink until they forgot having lived those Nanny Diary stories) to Chef Nobu’s showpiece for the rich and famous in Aspen, Colorado. I walked away from the business with killer biceps, chiropractic bills that were expensive enough to have put myself through med school, and stories…hundreds and hundreds of stories.
I started telling those stories to anyone who would listen, and eventually I got onto a stage and spoke them into a microphone. What developed was a 60-minute stand up comedy show about my adventures in the sushi trade and beyond called Serving Bait to Rich People. I toured around North America and The New York Times called the show “bound to get noticed.” The Orlando Sentinel said, “Fitzpatrick is the bartender you want to find at the end of the day. But with her keen sensibilities and wit, she's primed for more curtain calls than last calls.”
Then, as is frequently the case with missed fame, I met a guy. I moved to San Francisco to be near him and, because I like to be able to afford to eat good food, I convinced the people of Stanford University to hire me to produce speaking events for their professors (that resume was probably my greatest work of creative non-fiction to date, and brought me roughly $250,000 of work - seriously, you can hire me to write resumes and cover letters for you, too!) At Stanford, I worked with some of the smartest people in the world, and I can’t tell you how many time I looked at some brainiac with thousands of degrees on their walls and thought, “wow, if only you’d worked in the restaurant industry, you’d understand this basic life hack that makes everything easier.”
I went back to all those stories, now written down on backs of envelopes and bar napkins, and realized that those 10,000 hours hadn’t just made me an expert in making drinks - though I would love to make you a cocktail sometime. In all that time, I’d also earned my expertise in listening to and reading people. I’d learned how to connect with just about anyone by registering what they value, how to get what I want by letting go of being right, and how to effectively make myself trigger proof*.
And with all the craziness going on in our world today, couldn’t we all benefit from a few trigger-proofing tricks?
So let down your hair, pour yourself a glass of wine, and keep reading for loving, judgment-free, straight-talk, advice from the bartender. It’s cheaper than therapy, and along the way we will throw in a few drink recipes and some stories from celebrities who were bartenders on their way to fame and celebrity bartenders who are using their fame behind the bar for good.
*Trigger proof person - one who doesn’t get “triggered” (or made crazy) by the idiotic, offensive, or down-right-wrong comments made by others.
Spend a few hours in a bar watching a great bartender and you will see them multi-task, problem-solve, validate without patronizing, and make everyone - Republican, Democrat, rich, poor, black, white, any gender, beyond gender - feel like they belong. If you pay careful attention, you'll see that a good bartender looks like they're having the most fun in the room and they are happy to include anyone who wants to join the party.
You'll also hear people say ridiculous, terrible, outrageous things to bartenders, and see that they keep their sense of humor. They also don't get walked on. A great bartender knows when to get involved, when to get help, and how to firmly get their point across, with a smile, so the situation doesn't escalate and they still get a great tip.
I spent ten thousand hours bartending. From the quirky dive bar on NYC’s Upper East Side (way up, beyond the Nanny Diaries…this was where the doormen went to drink until they forgot having lived those Nanny Diary stories) to Chef Nobu’s showpiece for the rich and famous in Aspen, Colorado. I walked away from the business with killer biceps, chiropractic bills that were expensive enough to have put myself through med school, and stories…hundreds and hundreds of stories.
I started telling those stories to anyone who would listen, and eventually I got onto a stage and spoke them into a microphone. What developed was a 60-minute stand up comedy show about my adventures in the sushi trade and beyond called Serving Bait to Rich People. I toured around North America and The New York Times called the show “bound to get noticed.” The Orlando Sentinel said, “Fitzpatrick is the bartender you want to find at the end of the day. But with her keen sensibilities and wit, she's primed for more curtain calls than last calls.”
Then, as is frequently the case with missed fame, I met a guy. I moved to San Francisco to be near him and, because I like to be able to afford to eat good food, I convinced the people of Stanford University to hire me to produce speaking events for their professors (that resume was probably my greatest work of creative non-fiction to date, and brought me roughly $250,000 of work - seriously, you can hire me to write resumes and cover letters for you, too!) At Stanford, I worked with some of the smartest people in the world, and I can’t tell you how many time I looked at some brainiac with thousands of degrees on their walls and thought, “wow, if only you’d worked in the restaurant industry, you’d understand this basic life hack that makes everything easier.”
I went back to all those stories, now written down on backs of envelopes and bar napkins, and realized that those 10,000 hours hadn’t just made me an expert in making drinks - though I would love to make you a cocktail sometime. In all that time, I’d also earned my expertise in listening to and reading people. I’d learned how to connect with just about anyone by registering what they value, how to get what I want by letting go of being right, and how to effectively make myself trigger proof*.
And with all the craziness going on in our world today, couldn’t we all benefit from a few trigger-proofing tricks?
So let down your hair, pour yourself a glass of wine, and keep reading for loving, judgment-free, straight-talk, advice from the bartender. It’s cheaper than therapy, and along the way we will throw in a few drink recipes and some stories from celebrities who were bartenders on their way to fame and celebrity bartenders who are using their fame behind the bar for good.
*Trigger proof person - one who doesn’t get “triggered” (or made crazy) by the idiotic, offensive, or down-right-wrong comments made by others.